[Disclaimer en Español (que no es el mismo que el de arriba): Estaba conversando hace tieeeempo con una amiga belga respecto a tener blogs de nuestros intercambios, yo le dije que el mío lo tenía en español por ser mi lengua madre y porque manejo mejor los chistes, ella me dijo "ah pero hazlo en inglés así todos entendemos". Y así lo hago. El último capítulo de la gran saga Tusen Takk (la cual usté puede seguir leyendo aquí) que va en inglés a modo de epílogo, luego volvemos al formato usual de hablar de discos hipsters y de quejarme de tonteras.]
Yep, Norway is a cold and expensive country. Yes, norwegians may be rather cold and distant. And yes, norwegian dogs even resemble their owners, so a “hi doggie! :D“ doesn’t bring a waving tail and a dog smile, which is probably one of my biggest cultural shocks over here. But anyway there are many things that I like about this cold expensive country, and a few I truly love. So here it is a list of *repeating the title* four things I love about Norway. I know, Buzzfeed has more...but I'm no freaking Buzzfeed.
1.- Adorable awkwardness
Norwegian stereotypes 101 pictures nordmenn as cold, quiet and impolite. Whoever prepared that lecture, also pictures us latinos as warm, welcoming and party-going. Now excuse me, I need to laugh. Loudly. Do you know the Pixar movie “UP”? When Mr. Fredriksten and Russell first meet Dug, he says “Hi, my name is Dug. I have just met you...and I love you!!”, which is I believe how many in Latin America behave. And I dislike that: People bumping into each other, talking a lot and giving hugs and kisses 24/7. Then I came here, where a “Hi!” and a smile or a handshake is everything you’ll get. What a great lovely place, people actually respect your personal space. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an anti-human contact but I do like the square meter norwegians give you everytime.
Ok, we passed the greetings part. Now comes the talking, which norwegians also solve in a very practical way: they don’t. So you bump into this person you kind-of-know in the metro, you smile to him/her (understood as a “hi”). He/she answers in the same manner. End. And that’s the way it should be. But no, back home it’s expected to go and chat with that person even though you have nothing to talk about and you are only Facebook friends. Practical thinking, norwegians got that covered.
When you do want to talk, norwegians (and this only covers sober norwegians) are awkward. Damn they are. They’re so centered in minding their own business that the sole idea of breaking down the molde and improvise a forced talk may scare some of them. The practical thinking doesn’t cover “talking just for the lols” and many times I’ve noticed the awkward look as they try to survive the social interaction. And in a way...it’s adorable. When you think about the importance of being alone (hyttetur, skiing, etc) seeing them trying to be social is an adorable sight. At the end of the day, norwegian stereotypes 101 got it wrong because norwegians are neither cold, quiet or impolite by no talking to you. Just because they don’t like crowds, talking chit-chat or being extremely outgoing, doesn’t mean they’re antisocial in the “westernly accepted” definition of the word. As the language itself puts it, these guys are koselig. Trying a social interaction in a sober-norwegian way (however a couple of beers are generally accepted, as I’ve understood) works a lot better than the Dug-style.
2.- Mozell
Made by Ringnes (the same guys that make a beer that tastes like water) this is the pinacle of any drinking soda experience. And trust me, I used to be a hardcore Sprite fan, I know my shit. Instead of adding synthetic flavoring and tons of sugar like eeeeeverybody else, Mozell adds apple and grapes concentrate and only a little sugar (since the fructose of the apples and grapes does most of the job), also it doesn’t have that much carbonated water, so the soda effect doesn't hurt (I’m looking at you, Coca~Cola). In the nutritional info Mozell has slightly less carbos, sugar and calories than Sprite, so that’s a double win. Also, let’s not forget the fact that while drinking Mozell you’re supporting Ringnes, a millionaire company here in Norway that makes awful beers but awesome soft drinks. Whereas with Sprite you’re supporting Coca~Cola, a millionaire overseas company responsible for the diabetes of millions and that pays less to its black workers. Last but not least, Mozell bottles are made of a harder plastic, so you can hit assholes in the street with more power than a Sprite bottle. ...not that I have done that, but you never know, zombie apocalypse people.
Now, about the taste. Let me put it this way: When God was playing god and creating the universe, at some point he thought it would be a nice idea to create mankind. Since God knew that humans were going to screw up almost everything and be a bunch of narcissist jerks, God already thought a plan B. So he created a last animal. He created an animal who is fat, that loves eating more than sex, extremely calm and peace-loving, who is black, white and asian at the same time, an animal who has five fingers to high-five humans and a sixth smaller “finger” to eat easily. He created pandas. And while creating this awesome, adorable and peaceful creature, God was drinking Mozell. And thought that maybe pandas were not enough, so he gave mankind Mozell too, and said that Norway was the chosen place to create such a wonder because it was relatively far from China. That’s how ducking awesome Mozell is.
...and then God realized that neither pandas or Mozell were enough so he sent us Lil bub, but that’s another story.
3.- Maridalsvannet
Most of the tourist packages are focused in nature, and this country has a long tradition of having breath-taking landscapes: the nordlys, the midnight sun, the reindeer migrations, the endless pine forests, Trolltunga and the fjords, the mountains (we can discuss if the norwegian hills qualify as mountains when you look at the 6000+ meters Andes, but oh well), the lakes with pristine water and a long et cetera. Back in the XIX century, when Norway ended its union with Denmark many social and politics process happened, among them there was a law that shortened the working hours so people could go out, grab the kids and walk in the woods near the cities. The law also made Sunday free, so people could go on a sondagstur ("Sunday Tour") with the family and stuff. As time went by, Norway made more laws protecting their nature and encouraging people to enjoy it. 201 years after Norway’s first constitution, you can feel that everywhere.
Watching commercials is not my favorite hobby, but you can get a glimpse of this “we love nature” thing while doing so, and I always find it amusing how they blend and sell the idea. At home, many of the commercials focus on showing success while having X product, an usually white tall man/woman talking about the benefits of the product and why success come right afterwards. Norway in the other hand, even though it keeps many of the western stereotypes when it comes to commercials...in 99,9% of the TV spots there HAS TO BE a window where you can watch the forest outside. Regardless of being an insurance company, a bank, a food chain or a daily product, a reference/scene to the fjords MUST be made. In Chile, light products usually picture a thin woman being healthy while eating said product. In Norway, the same person is sent into an imaginary trip to the forests while eating the same product.
Even though Oslo is Norway's largest city, nature is always within walking distance. Many of my fellow exchange friends know the lake Sognsvann: it’s right next to Kringsjå (where many internationals live), next to a metro station, easily noticeable if you are around and it appears in the “Norges Marka” in the back of the Kvikk Lunsj chocolates. And yeah, it’s pretty. But then you have Maridalsvannet. Maridalsvannet is almost ten times bigger than Sognsvann, so you see fewer people around. It’s not possible to drink or swim in the lake, and barbecues are also restricted. However, walking around the lake while listening to Sigur Rós is a religious experience. During summer the shiny green forests and the equally shiny water truly sparks, and in winter the lake freezes creating a beautiful postcard with the snow around. But besides the landscape, what I love about Maridalsvannet is what I’ve already said about the “we love nature” thingy. It’s not one of those photoshoped stock photos that tourist packages show, but it’s the whole mental rest of looking at the lake, listening to the wind (or “Ágætis Byrjun”) and feeling the forest everywhere.
In a very close second place, the Fredriksten Fortress (Halden) must be also mentioned as my favorite place in this country because of some of the same reasons: It's within walking distance from downtown, and the combination of wind, silence and view creates a great atmosphere.
4.- Språk
(“Language”) There’s something about this particular language I truly love. Maybe it deals with size. Looking at numbers, spanish has more than 400.000.000 native speakers, and if we count people who speak it as a second/third language, my mothertongue has the 3rd place of the most spoken languages in the planet. Back in Scandinavia numbers are much smaller: roughly 5 million people speaks norwegian, and even if we count swedish and potato (which at least in written form, they’re still intelligible) as one big language, they are hardly 20 million speakers. That’s half Argentina. So little norwegian in equally little Norway has this thingy that neither english, spanish, mandarin or russian have.
Going to spanish again, since an entire continent speak it, local slang and accent differences are quite common. And here in Norway the same phenomenon is seen in a micro scale. The Bergen people speaks different from the Stavanger, Hammerfest and Oslo communities. Norway has bokmål and nynorsk as official norwegian languages (and extra points for having Sami too), and the language itself sounds nice. I’ve never felt the “norwegian melody” when people speak, maybe because my own accent has a bit of it, but norwegian does sound nice. I have my issues with some dialects (hi Bergen), but overall is a pretty language to speak, write and read.
...except nynorsk. And Stavanger’s dialect.
From a grammar point of view it’s also different from other germanic languages, let alone romances. Coming from a romance language myself, it’s nice to see how practical germanic languages are; we have over 60 conjugations for EACH verb, so they use less words and time than we do to express the same idea. But there’s also a latin-romance influence [random note: it has always impressed me how close “skrive” & “escribir” are], and I feel norwegian has more flexibility and freedom than english when it comes to make sentences. Or maybe is just more chaotic, I don’t know...there are like seven rules to conjugate verbs in norwegian, so clearly someone hasn’t done his grammar duty properly.
Anyhow, I like it. I gave up the Skj- and Kj- sounds, the Y is beyond my abilities and I’m still surprised that my L is different from theirs. But I like it, I still think that icelandic is more awesome but I’m biased because of Sigur Rós. And as a random last thing, when I read Kent lyrics (swedish band) I understand a decent amount, which is pretty cool too.
Bonus Tracks:
* Gløgg: According to Wikipedia, norwegian gløgg is a syncretist product coming from Germany (Glühwein), and damn it tastes gooooood. The first time I drank it they failed the gløgg-water rate so it was sauropodically sweet, but since it was julaften they also prepared it at my school a few days later, where it tasted a lot better. Then I just loved it.
* Susanne Sundfør: Have you heard "Ten Love Songs"? Do it. Not a biggest fan, but I also like Kaizers Orchestra. However, I must admit that Sweden appeals more to me with Kent, Veronica Maggio and pg.lost, but norwegian music is quite good too. If you don't mind black metal, yeah sure.
* The sound of the speakers at Oslo S: I like Oslo Sentralstasjon as a place, I have good memories there. But as a random fact, the "ding!" sound that you hear before they announce something through the speakers, is the same "ding!" that sounds during "Svefn-G-Englar" (Sigur Rós), so my brain instinctively sets itself in a different mood when I'm there.
* Climate: As a proud anti-summer, I think chilean mediterranean climate is awful. And of course, I had to live in the mediterranean area. The problem is not heat alone, and +35ºC are quite bad already, but the humidity. The steam carries the heat wherever you go so it doesn't matter if you're in the shade and the sun never reached that area...you'll burn to death anyway. The same applies with cold. Yeah sure, our winter average is 10-12ºC, but those are humid, so they trespass your clothes, skin and soul and you freeze the duck out. Norway in the other hand, has all the benefits of a cold climate (not reaching russian-canadian cold) plus all the good sides of having dry air: a jacket, a shot of vodka and you're done. Now, springs/summers are more humid, true. Then you have to read the first line of this paragraph.
I don't think there's a perfect country. Norway, norwegian culture, norwegian food and norwegian politics have their flaws too, and I do have issues with some aspects in those areas. But that wasn't the idea of the post, so I skipped that part.
Y mirá vos, para ser mi primer post en otro idioma publicado en este blog, me salió bastante larguito. Escuchen el disco de Susanne Sundfør que sí está bueno.
Saludos a Joe Kido.
Just got back from Norway. Trying to find a way to by Mozell in the US. Seems impossible.\
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